#because the point of burnout is telling you what's not working so I'm trying to learn from it and work better with myself

[biteofcherry]

Helloooooo I have a question about got Steve, how would he handle/react to omega going through a bout of burnout at work?

Grain of Truth

Alpha Steve Rogers x omega female reader

warnings: none; it's pure comfort and fluff, and Steve being bossy;

As you type away the summary of your last patient's visit, your fingers smack into the keyboard with more force and less grace than usually. But it was either murdering the keyboard, or snapping in annoyance at your patient.

And you wouldn't do that.

You are professional. To the point of knowing that it's not really the patient's fault that irritation bubbles inside of you.

It's the burden of the past six months of working dutifully, dealing with a shitload of new bureaucracy politics, struggling with limitations set by the healthcare department.

The weeks of work that feels like swimming against the current.

But you're going to push through. You have to. Your patients are counting on you (and on your ability to stop yourself from strangling them).

Saving your report, you take a deep breath and silently pray there are still some danish pastries in the lounge room. Darcy brought them this morning, but since you had sessions back to back you weren't sure if the flock of clinic employees haven't devoured them all already.

If there's none left, it's possible you will snap and go on a murder spree. Or break down in tears.

Before you make it to the door, however, they open and a familiar, huge silhouette fills the frame.

"Steve?" You look at him, surprised.

"Omega." There's the usual softness to his tone, but the way his gaze scans your form is leveling up the disapproval.

"You look tired." He frowns, stepping inside and closing the door behind you.

"Way to compliment your mate." You glare at him.

Perhaps it would convey your annoyance, if the moment wasn't ruined by your stomach growling loudly. Which in turn makes Steve's frown deepen and his disapproving glower harden.

"Please, tell me you didn't skip lunch." He asks, but you know the please is just a decorative chime, because your Alpha is dropping into his dominating, commanding state.

You are tempted to say you didn't skip lunch, which would be a lie and both of you know it.

"I was about to eat," you say instead. "There are some pastries in-"

"That's it. I'm taking you home." Steve announces.

"What? No! I have reports to finish and materials to prepare for tomorrow, and-"

"And you've been overworking yourself for the past weeks. You come back home half dead, you're moody, less focused, you skip meals. You cursed and almost cried when you picked up a phone call from Maria a few days ago, because you were scared she wanted you to take an additional shift."

You're about to counter his points, because even if those bits are somewhat true, it doesn't mean he can just barge in and decide you're going home.

But there's another sentence that falls from his lips, another change he notices. When he says it, he sounds really worried and angry - not at you, but at your state. At the state your work has put you in.

"You haven't watered your plants in almost two weeks."

To someone outside, it would sound ridiculous and like the least important change. But Steve knows you so well. He knows your patterns and recognizes which changes are the most alarming ones.

It's true. Your plants still bring you joy, you love having them and looking at them, but you haven't been able to make yourself move your ass and water them.

Sometimes it happened, that you skipped a day or two from your usual watering routine. Missing over a week was a drastic change. But you just couldn't make yourself do anything. You just wanted to drop into bed, sleep dead, because you had to get up in the morning and return to work.

That damn, fucking work.

"I can't just-" you let out a sigh and try to reason with him.

Even if you're feeling like crying, because your Alpha has noticed your strain and is ready to battle whatever is draining you, you can't just pack up and leave.

"But I can." Steve nearly growls. Not in that fun, hot way.

He steps closer, grabs your handbag from the shelf and hooks it over his shoulder. Then, before you even decipher his intention, he swiftly picks you up.

Instinctively, your arms wrap around his neck.

"Steve!" You squeak. "Don't be ridiculous! Put me down and let me work."

"No." His tone is unyielding.

"Steve!"

"Maria prides herself on being the most efficient clinic manager, she can put her skills to use and deal with you taking a vacation." Your Alpha says as he basically kicks the door open and carries you out, without an ounce of shame, or hesitation.

"You will take leave, Omega." Steve growls and this time there's that pure Alpha timbre to it that sends a shiver down your spine. If you weren't so exhausted, you'd probably be instantly aroused.

"If I have to tie you up to the bed to have you take a break and relax, I will."

"You can't solve everything by being so damn bossy," you grumble, but don't put any fight against his hold.

"Watch me." Steve challenges, being his typical smug Alpha asshole.

He yanks you up a bit and tilts his hold so that your head rests on his shoulder, closer to the crook of his neck where his scent is so prominent and soothing.

You nuzzle into that spot on instinct, taking a deep whiff and feeling your muscles relax as you're cocooned in your Alpha's protectiveness.

[guqin-and-flute]

OKAY. I have been doing some really good blocks of writing over the past few weeks--like several sessions with ~2000 words. Unfortunately, a lot of it has been skipping around on different fics (I'm trying to be better about unhealthy sleep habits, so I'm not writing in huge, hyperfixated chunks. Or trying not to 😬).

So, if you would like, feel free to poke, request, remind so it stays on my conscious mind! Do not feel obligated, this is only if you feel the urge, it will get done either way!

[moonstruckme]

I’ve been binge reading your emt polymarauders. And I gotta tell you ! It’s like sipping a nice lemonade on a summer day. Oh my…

I’m a medical student so I loooooove this prompt so much. I couldn’t sleep tonight because biochemistry has been rotting my brain. Ugh

Anyways,

I had an idea, could you maybe make a reader who’s in her first year of med school and she’s so stressed. The boys try to ease her a little but she doesn’t listen and itch closer to burnout. Until she starts to feel unwell and comes out of her study to drink water. But before she can react she passes out and the boys rush to help.

(Totally not happened to me once in front of almost 30 3rd years. Nooooo.)

Hope you like the idea ❤️

Thanks babe, I'm glad you enjoy them! And thank you for requesting <3

cw: academic stress, fainting

emt!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1.1k words

“What nerve supplies the posterior arm and forearm?” Remus asks you. 

The words are beginning to sound like gibberish. “The, um…the radial nerve.” 

“Well done.” Remus sets your flash card atop a stack. There are three of them, ones you know well, ones you’re still shaky on, and ones you’ve not got a clue about. This card goes in the first stack. It’s small enough that every addition feels like a victory. 

Your boyfriends have been kind enough to bring you lunch at the library. It was quickly revealed as a plot to try and coax you into taking a break, but when that clearly wasn’t working they decided to stay awhile and keep you company. You have a reading room all to yourself today, so James has made himself comfortable on the couch and Sirius has laid his head down in his lap, content to have his hair played with while James watches you and Remus study.

“And which carpals communicate with the radius?” Remus asks. 

“Um…”

“Think carefully,” Sirius says in his TV host voice. “This one’s for full points.” 

You blink. You feel suddenly odd. Off-kilter. “There’s two,” you say slowly. “Lunate and…um…” 

“Can we do hints?” James asks. 

You’d rather not, but you feel like you need it. “Sure.” 

“Alright.” Remus glances down at your card. “It starts with an s.” 

“I know it.” You squeeze your eyes shut. “I had this one yesterday. It’s like sca…sca something. Sorry, I feel like I can’t concentrate.” 

“Do you want me to tell you?” Remus asks gently. 

You sigh. “Yeah, okay.” 

“It’s lunate and scaphoid.” 

You groan, pushing your fingers into your forehead. “I knew that.” 

“It’s alright.” Remus sets the card in the middle stack. He’s watching you carefully. “Do you think it’s time for a break?” 

“Yeah.” You take a deep breath. “I feel weird, I think…” You pick up your water bottle, but it’s light, empty. “I’m going to go get some water.” 

Remus’ eyes are sympathetic. “Good idea, dove.” 

The feeling worsens when you stand, like the change in altitude is making you light-headed. You take two steps. The first wobbles, the second sinks. 

You don’t remember passing out. There’s no darkening of your vision or panicky realization, just one second your knee is bending unbidden and the next the trampled fibers of the library carpet are smushed against your face. 

“Fuck, sweetheart.” It takes you a second to recognize the feel of hands under your head and ribcage, but that’s James’ voice. The knees of Remus’ trousers are in front of your face. “What’d you do that for?” 

“I didn’t mean to,” you mumble. 

“Let’s get you on your back,” says Remus. 

He and James work together to rotate you gently, and then you have a better view of the room. Remus and James kneeling above you, Sirius standing behind them with a look of wide-eyed horror. It appears each of your boyfriends has jumped up in a fright. 

“Do you feel warm?” Remus brushes some hair away from your face while James picks up your wrist to get your pulse and Sirius launches into action, kneeling by your feet. 

“Not really…” You startle as your legs pick up off the floor. “Sirius, my skirt!”

“It’s just us here, doll,” Sirius reminds you. “I promise to protect your modesty if anyone comes in, whatever the cost.” 

You frown at what he could mean by that, but Remus thumbs over your cheek placatingly. “Is there anywhere around here that might have sports drinks?” 

“Um, there’s a vending machine downstairs.” 

“Perfect. I’ll be back shortly.” He gives your cheek a quick hold before leaving. 

James kisses your palm once he’s done with your pulse, and then his fingers find the collar of your shirt, popping open the first two buttons with practiced ease. 

Your hand flies up to prevent him going further. “Why does everyone keep trying to undress me?” 

James laughs, and Sirius replies smoothly, “Why, is this not a good time for you?” 

“Take it easy, lovie.” James takes your hand, holding it in his own. “We’re just making sure all the blood that wants to go to your brain can get there.” 

“Oh.” You knew that. Or you should’ve, if your brain was working properly.

“If it’s somewhat risque in practice, I certainly don’t mind as much with you as I do with the old blokes we sometimes get.” Sirius winks at you. 

You offer up a weak smile in return, and he pouts. 

“How’re you feeling, sweetness?” 

“I’m alright.” You take a breath. “Can I sit up now?”

“Let’s give it a bit.” James rubs your shoulder. “How do you really feel?” 

“Just…weird. Shaky. But not too bad.” 

“That’s good,” he says, though he looks like he doesn’t quite believe you. 

“I think I’ll be fine once I get something to drink.” 

“Mm, I think there’s probably a bit more to it than that,” Remus says as he comes back in. He crouches beside you, twisting the top off a bottle of orange juice. “That is a very well-stocked vending machine. Do you feel ready to sit up, dove?” 

“I have been,” you say. “They won’t let me.” 

“Such ingratitude,” Sirius teases as he sets your feet back down. “We were only waiting for your juice.” 

James helps you up with a hand on your back, and it takes a second of wordless wrestling with Remus to get him to let you bring the bottle to your own lips. 

“You could be dehydrated,” he says as you drink, “or you could just be exhausted, or both. And you can faint from too much stress too, you know.” 

“I know,” you grumble, wiping your mouth. 

Remus takes your face in his hand, forcing you to look at him. You find your indignance shrinking under his steady gaze. “You hurt yourself when you push yourself this hard, sweet girl.” 

“I know,” you say, softer now. “I thought I could handle it.” 

“You need to take more breaks.” 

You nod slightly. 

“And work on putting less pressure on yourself.” 

“Alright, Rem, lay off her.” Sirius rubs your knee. It breaks you from Remus’ trance, and your dark-haired boyfriend flashes you a smile when you look his way. “She’s got enough going through her head without having to remember all you want her to do. Let’s go home, yeah?” 

James insists on supporting you while you walk out of the library. Sirius and Remus debate what film you should put on once you get back to your flat. 

“Shouldn’t I get to choose?” you ask. 

“Well, look who’s feeling up to asking questions.” Sirius gives your cheek a condescending little pat. “Unfortunately, I don’t think you’re really ready to be picking out films, my love. Your decision making is probably still impacted from that fainting spell.” 

“Really.” You narrow your eyes at him. “I’ve never heard of that side effect.” 

“Well, you’re only a first year, doll. There’s lots you don’t know.”

[pretzel-box]

Hello everyone.

This will be a rather long post about some things I wanna adress, including the fact that I plan to stop writing for Pressure, my OCS and other peoples Ocs in the near future.

Down under the cut is a list with my personal view, issues and some other things that lead to this decision. Maybe I miss a lot or don't go too deep into detail but the main points are covered.

But before I would like to add that this is MY opinion and MY choice. I let you think of it what you want but I also request that you respect my actions.

The first point is probably already clear from the start. Maybe some noticed, maybe not but I fell out of love with the fandom and the game itself. It became boring to play, the characters lost their charm and I can't come up with any creative scenarios anymore and the ones that already exists have lost their meaning. This may sound like the typical burnout thing and maybe it is but I'm more than certain that I wanna step away from the game and the fandom to focus on other things that bring me more joy. Maybe I start a multifandom writing blog or I just learn another hobby.

The second thing that is close connected to the first point is the fandom of the game, including the community on tumblr. A huge part are super sweet people with a very creative side. I would go as far and say that I brought some of those together with my projects and writing and it really makes me happy to see everyone interact so friendly on my blog.

But something that I haven't adressed is the fact that there are also plenty of hardcore fans, haters and weird people in my askbox or general in the fandom. It is to be expected when someone gains a massive amount of followers. But I do not accept the fact that people judge me based on what I write, who I write for, when I write and if I write at all. I delete those asks. Some telling me that my community project is awful, unserious and pulls other ocs into dirt. Other people are claiming that I don't write Sebastians Character right and oh wow seriously? I am not Sebastians creator, I do not have that ultimate deep lore and mindset to write a person 1:1. I get hate for my own stories and of course the fans could now come to my protetion and say „But Chea don't listen to the haters, you are amazing“ but it doesn't fix the thing in a slightest.

Also regards the people that praise me, some of them ( I won't name anyone) are counting to those weird people that force me. There were 2 or 3 people that acted all sweet in public only to try and take control of some story plots etc.

Also, I started writing when Pressure was first raising to be popular. There weren't many pressure writers out there. I am usually not someone that posts their work online, I don't comment on stuff and I rarely like something. But I really wanted to see more pressure fanfictions. Now we reached the point where there are more than plenty amazing writers and I can quit. There is no need for me to continue something that only makes me hate myself more because everytime I open my notes to write a story for pressure it feels like a mental torture. I leave the writing to the other blogs.

The status for now:

AASB gets discontinued.

Reverse AU gets discontinued.

Streamer AU will recieve 6 more chapters to end the story on a good term.

House of Entities will get continued for a small period of time, probably till I am done with the Streamer AU. There is no plan for the chapter count yet.

All requests in the inbox will get deleted and the inbox itself will be closed after Streamer AU finished.

Any other unnamed project will get discontinued as well.

All stories, one shots, series, drabbles and other works of mine are free to use. Other authors can pick them up, re-write them or just make an own story out of those. I drop all rights for the ideas and I won't demand any credits either. Maybe someone else would like to continue House of Entities as well.

My final word, which may sound repeating: I do not change my opinion, there won't be any motivation talks or sugar coated words that will change my stand in those things. I know some of you will try and comfort me but this is really not needed. I wish for you all to accept the outcome of this situation and move on more or less.

I apologize dearly because this is very sudden and I hope you all will understand.

-Chea

[strawberrykaon]

I think autistic primarchs would present very differently than in a baseline human. Its so much easier to cover up or explain away.

Like if Mortarion goes semi- verbal, he still sounds normal. But very stilted for a primarch. Its different from when I can only maybe say three words at a time. Usually I can only go "I don't know" or "no", or "go away". For him it's still full length sentences, like "I think I just need to be alone now". That can easily be explained to be exhaustion. But in reality he can't vocalize anything more complex right now.

Guilliman has be scripting since a child but no one notices. He just has over 100 scripts memorized for any occasion. Any question or change in the conversation. He already has a script lined up. He's capable of memorizing it. Conversations happen so naturally, you can't even tell the difference.

Even the way they stim can be so different to a baseline. Probably in ways a baseline can't comprehend. Traits like increased pattern recognition are standard in a primarch. All primarchs are far more "higher functioning" than any baseline.

Being behind their brothers developmentally by a few weeks is nothing compared to a baseline. What's walking at two months when most humans are closer to a year old when they start. Sure the other primarchs were walking much sooner. Some right out of the pod. But they often reached adulthood far sooner than any human. What constitutes a development delay to a primarch. If an apothecary can't tell what's a high blood pressure level in Guilliman. How can you tell?

Exhaustion that so many autistic face is so off from a baseline. They need less sleep. They can go through periods without rest for far longer. I think in cases like Mortarion, he can just push through an autistic burnout. Sure he's a bit more irritable, among other things. But hey, the point of a shutdown won't hit him till a few decades later. So therefore he must have high energy levels then even his brothers. Despite the toll on his mental health. Plus their recovery times are far shorter. Guilliman needs just a few days to feel normal after a year long campaign after all. Doesn't matter how he was acting prior. Any strange behavior can be hand waved away.

Mental conditioning can be used to suppress sensory overload. No point in having your super solider curl up screaming because he has super hearing. And you threw him into an active warzone. Lets make sure you can't process that information in way that would harm you. (Plus I think as a rule primarchs have a tendency to be more sensory seeking than sensory avoidant.)

Hell even their positions in the imperial society could make it easier to mask. If Perturabo wants something done in a certain way, you are going to do it that way. You're just some 25 year old iron warrior or serf that needs to follow command. Plus you don't know best compared to a primarch.

Of course they mask in typical ways. Mortarion hasn't rocked when upset since he was young. Because Nacrae told him that he should avoid such weakling behavior. Or still show more obvious traits like Dorn's flatter speaking style. (IDK how true this is but everyone says this and I'm not too familiar with Dorn to say otherwise.)

Also I like to imagine that the Emperor intentionally placed Autism into some of his designer babies. Thinking he could "avoid all the negatives but only gain those traits that would benefit them greatly." Only for his patience to slowly be drained. Like Perturabo having a meltdown while Dorn is trying to get the two of them to work together. But he's lost the ability to mask what little he does. And is just going, "We are to conclude this activity in an hour. I have to calibrate the ships sensors in an hour and half. You have already wasted 10 minutes. We must refocus so we can conclude in an hour..."

The problem start when understanding what's going on under the surface. Or when you start comparing them to their brothers. But hey you're below understanding what a primarch is thinking. And all the primarchs are little off. They're demigods. What makes these one's so different. Doesn't help they themselves won't consider it themselves. Or even be insulted by the implication. I'm not an invalid. Don't be ridiculous.

(I used Perturabo, Dorn, and Guilliman here because they're the common ones head cannoned as autistic. I went with Mortarion as well because I decided to just go with it. I know him the best. Plus this is all just headcannon. Just to be clear. Reasoning being his kids tend to present with a flat personality anyways. Also heard Mortarion was always behind his brothers, so developmental delays?? Idk yet where they got that in lore yet. Trying to get through all the books is a lot. Plus his other strange behaviors. But it could just be poor socialization as a child mixed with mental illness. Could also just be all three too. But more than these four could be autistic is my point. Sorry if this post was rambling or unclear. Or if anyone has done this before. I just wanted to get my thoughts out on the subject.)

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

got anything for Kisaki with a partner who's got really bad burn out? I'm always so tired and I'd love to hear how he'd help

Here's how I think he would help with burnout, hope you're feeling better soon too!

Kisaki's very observant so he would pick up on you being burnt out or getting close to that point before you even really realise it yourself.

He would have no problem with telling someone to back off if it was a specific person causing the burnout. (or telling Hanma to send them a message).

Does his best to encourage you to take time off and take a break. He'll even do something drastic as a way of being supportive, take time off himself (he doesn't do this often).

May just book you both a flight somewhere and go on a sudden holiday to help you out.

Would also consider telling you to quit or buying the company or place you work at so he could change it. Would also ask you first though (he doesn't see this as being a big deal but knows you might).

Tells you that you can discuss anything with him, including your feelings. He just wants to support you and help you feel better. He actually may not be the best at this if the relationship is near the start but he still tries and is learning.

Also learns to ask you what kind of support you want or what you think you need, so he can adjust to that. He's pretty much willing to do whatever you suggest.

Probably ends up doing something really random to try and help you at some point because he mentions it to Hanma and he tells him to take you to a zoo or something and Kisaki actually does it.

He's just very sweet during this whole time, well he'll still snap at others and get annoyed by them but is very sweet and caring to you. He's patient in trying to help you too.

[shradsmanifestt]

hi, im sorry for bothering u right now. ive been asking around for advice everywhere because i really need all the help i could use right now. my anxiety is flaring up like crazy because my results come out tomorrow and im so scared because if i mess this up then my future is ruined. my mental health has been horrible and that has severely affected my grades but in most asian countries they dgaf about that and basically think it's nonexistant for minors so ofc i'm still undiagnosed, and if i were to apply to a uni i wouldnt get any good chances anywhere. if i could just get 3 Bs in my AS levels it would be okay or else i'd have to retake it and it's super costly here.. i don't wanna put my family through that because they'll talk me down, degrade me, destroy my self esteem which i've managed to build back a little. they were like this since when i was the topper and thats what made me burnout. undiagnosed adhd, trauma, depression also contributed to it

im applying the law, but instead of the feeling of success that everyone else gets i feel panicked. the 'feeling' people usually get when they're in the wish fulfilled state, the feeling of accepting it and it being real—im not getting that. i dont see a clear picture when i visualize. every time i try to, i end up breaking down and feeling like a failure... but I'm still trying to go on because why is it that the people who hurt me and practically ruined my life get to live successfully, while i suffer? thats not fair... i promised myself that if i could just get 3 Bs, ill turn my life around and work really hard... but is it over for me? i want to win, im trying to, but im scared

im trying my best to visualize myself getting 3 Bs, reenacting my friends faces when i get the results, praying to God and thanking Him for blessing me and continuing to bless me, but there is this fear still lingering at the back of my mind... i feel like I'm not doing it right. i have like one day left and I'm so nervous. im going over posts, tweets, and every time I feel a little better, it all comes crashing down because of doubts. theres only one thing one my mind right now: 'how am I gonna turn it around in one day?' i know that the 3D does not matter and that everything is done in imagination, but here i feel like its not done in imagination either

right now nothings clicking in my head, whatever i read is getting scrambled in my mind, i feel so lost and empty. could u please tell me what to do in this specific situation? u can be as harsh as you want if that's what's needed to get the point across. im really sorry for the bother and id be really grateful if u could please help out, ive never been this desperate before... my life cant be over before it even started

Hey love,

I get you, I really do but trust me when I say this.

THIS SHIT IS REAL AF. Manifestation is real af. It's as real as the fact that you are a human being. All you have to do is trust yourself that it is already done. If good results is what you want then that is exactly what you'll get. You need to choose to stop having doubts because it is already done. That is the simplest answer I can give you. Persist on what you want.

I am glad to tell you this but I just got test results for a major exam held in my uni today and I got into the 95th percentile just by saying to myself that my super power is aptitude tests and that I already scored great. In my friends group only 3 of us were eligible and I have 70+ more marks then them as well. If I can do it, you can do it. You need to stop doubting yourself. Atleast stop doubting manifestation. Cause at this point you're only gonna manifest your doubts.

I'll give you a scenario - If you're worried about getting bad grades, Trust me when I say this you're gonna manifest exactly that coz you will manifest exactly what you assume. You can choose to stop that right here, RN. Choose to accept that you got great marks. I mean don't even like aim for B's go for A's. I don't care even if you left the paper blank coz if you assume you're the topper, that is exactly what's gonna happen.

If you do get bad marks and I'm gonna be harsh here - You're the only reason why! You're gonna manifest exactly what you assume to be true even if it's good or bad. Your sc mind don't differentiate btw what's good for you or what's bad for you. It only knows what you feed it.

You got this, TRUST ME

Love, Shrads.

[peachdoxie]

not doing well and could use some kind words. no advice, suggestions, or "you can do it!!" type statements, please. more context under the cut.

I'm the most stressed I've been in years right now because my family has been in crisis mode for almost a whole month. Both my grandparents have been in and out of the hospital for various reasons since the day before Helene hit. They're both in the hospital right now. My grandfather is my grandmother's caretaker because she has dementia, but now he's too weak to take care of her. They're trying to move into a nursing home, but those things take time.

My mom has been the one primarily dealing with this because she's their closest (physically and emotionally) child, but I've been spending most of my time at my grandparents looking after one or both of them when my mom's at work. We're getting some help from my aunt and uncle and some hired sitters, but I've been over there almost every day since this all started.

It's so overwhelming, especially on the autistic side of things. I've been called multiple times to drop what I'm doing and go help my grandparents because they urgently need help. My sleep schedule has been very disrupted. I have to constantly mask around my grandparents for hours without getting a break. I have to endure hours of Fox News turned up loudly because my grandfather can't hear well. I've had two nights this week where I went into autism burnout shutdown mode to the point where I was struggling to speak, which is something that's never happened to me before.

All of this stress has absolutely made my eating disorder worse. I was already struggling a lot before this happened, but I'm in a full relapse right now. I'm barely eating. It's bad. And it makes everything else bad. I'm in a downward spiral with no end in sight.

I need help. I relied on my mom a lot for eating support, but she can't take the time off to help me when my grandparents need so much help. She knows I'm stressed out and struggling with food because I've told her such, but I haven't told her how bad it is. I know I need to but I don't want to add a third person for her to be monitoring and caretaking for. I'm hoping that I can make it until my grandparents are in the nursing home before I break down.

There's a lot of other stuff too, but that's the main thing. I'm so tired.

-

Again, no suggestions or advice, please. I know what my options are. And no meaningless positivity telling me I can get through this. They don't help me. Validation only, please.

[azulcrescent]

Hi Azul! :) I started following your silly scribbles about a year ago, and seeing Cheryl model how she came out to her friends and family in the comic helped me articulate my gender experience better with my wife and even come out to my friends and family. Thanks for sharing your art! I also wanted to say that I'm sorry that you're experiencing poor sleep and burnout lately. :( Those can make you feel awful. I've had a chronic illness for the past six years -- and I'm fully aware that's something separate, nor do I want to equate it with your experiences -- but, at risk of giving any unsolicited advice, I do wish someone had said something to me about this when I first felt those as well. Because I was pushing myself to work for 2 hours a day as a special education paraprofessional in a wheelchair due to fatigue and systemic dysfunctions throughout my body -- so I had to quit my job since I was making my health even worse. When I stopped working, I was fully bed bound for a time but even still kept pushing myself to attempt grad school online despite only being able to sit up for 5-10% of the day. My point is that, even when our bodies are burnt out, we still push ourselves because that's generally just our human nature to do. And I wish that during that time someone had gently said it's okay to slow everything down and listen to what my body was telling me it needed.

With slowing down, I also get that finances are a thing, and I wouldn't have been able to recover from severe to moderate ME/CFS without my wife working her butt off for us to cover medical expenses by switching jobs and upskilling. (She jokes that she has no more butt anymore because of those years :'(... )

So, although this is stepping into unsolicited advice, but as someone who was burnt out and constantly eepy for years, I feel like it would be remiss of me to not try to say something and just give a bullet point list of free things that helped my nervous system not be so overstimulated and tired but wired that I couldn't sleep and even when I did it was unrefreshing and yucky to wake up the next day:

•Search for "ally boothroyd yoga nidra" on YouTube and pick a 10 minute video •Do belly breathing to expand the diaphragm (one of the few ways we can give input to our parasympathetic nervous systems -- the rest, digest, and heal system) •When breathing, breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4, repeat to tell your body it can be calm •Spinal flossing in bed: start from your lowest vertebrae you can, try to isolate it with your muscles, and shift it up down left and right, then go up to the next one •Listen to how your body responds to foods: maybe try cutting out gluten and refined sugars for a week to see if it helps in any way; a lot of our immune system is in the gut, and being in a stressed state can cause our immune systems to mistake food molecules for pathogens which then activates the immune system and turns off the parasympathetic nervous system •Drop your jaw fully open like you're going to yawn, then stretch your tongue upward outside your mouth as far as it can go and stretch it around. This is a stretch for the muscles near your vagus nerve near your ear/neck behind the jaw to help them relax •Plan a bedtime routine for the thirty minutes before you go to bed and be consistent •Brain retraining: When you feel stressed or anxious about sleep or being burnt out, compassionately tell yourself "Stop, stop, stop." Thank that part of you for bringing up its concern, then remind that part of yourself that it doesn't need to worry anymore because you are working on recovering and healing. And if the insomnia or fatigue do happen, you have plans for what to do and will be okay. •Remember the conclusion from the American TV show Mythbusters: https://www.tumblr.com/gretchensinister/678474387179077632/one-of-the-most-life-changing-things-i-ever You're still getting rest even if you just close your eyes. You've talked about having ADHD, and while I don't have it, I get that it messes up brain chemicals and can contribute to both insomnia and burn out. There might be a reddit discussion that speaks to you better about medications or deficiencies. I hope you get to rest. Cheering for you. It's always fun to see your art. Thanks for what you do! :) Sleepy cat tax:

Glad to hear you like my comics! And thank you for the very informative and helpful info on sleeping better! Ill try to put your advice to use!

[concerningwolves]

Hey! Do you have any tips for breaking writers block when you're adhd and/or autistic? Be it your own tips or a link to another post? My friend and I need help haha

Ahh sorry you got buried under spam and old ask game asks. (I... really need to sort my ask box >.<' ). But here we go, a month late, and hopefully better late than never:

Quick ideas for beating writer's block when autistic and/or ADHD

I've got this old post I wrote on writer's block and focus troubles. Ironically, this was before my autism diagnosis but the tips still happen to be things I, an autistic person, did to manage writing when faced with executive dysfunction (except I didn't know what executive dysfunction was at that point lol). I'm linking this with one important caveat, though: if you have ADHD, "stepping away" might do more harm than good; struggling to start tasks is a Big Thing with ADHD, so not starting the task at all is entirely counterproductive. (Unless you're in burnout! Here's a post about the differences between block and burnout with some ideas on what to do for each, in case that's at all helpful to you).

And here's something yoinked from another old ask-answer:

sometimes a break from more “serious” writing is what you need. Maybe try and take the characters from your main project and drop them somewhere else for the hell of it. I like to throw my characters into the MCU without warning like “lmao have fun in a strange modern world where there are gods and a guy in an iron flying suit bye.” Or, if fandom cross-overs aren’t your thing, find a writing prompt or take an idea you like and use it to form a short story with your characters instead.

Some other ideas I've seen around for writer's block with ADHD/Autism are:

Try voice recording or text to speech (i.e., absolute stream-of-consciousness unfiltered brain-to-mouth, giving yourself permission to 100% bullshit if you like, and see what rattles loose in the brain box)

Stream of consciousness writing in general, not even necessarily about a particular prompt or particular project. This one can be done in combination with:

Writing sprints! One minute timers, two minute timers, five minutes – set it for as long as you want, but when you're fighting executive dysfunction and/or difficulty focusing, the burst of urgency that comes from a shorter timer is very helpful.

And speaking of the sense of urgency: gamify your writing! There are different ways to do this, with varying elements of risk. I'll link some ways to do this at the end under "resources".

Exercise. I don't necessarily mean hitting the gym, but a quick burst of exercise prior to writing to get the heart rate up can help wake your brain up a bit. (Or, if you find repetitive exercise mind-numbingly boring like I do, the writing sure does start to look appealing lol).

Meditation. Okay, this one is sort of 🤔 for me, because I do often hear from fellow autistics and our ADHD cousins that meditation is literally impossible for us. It is for me. But! Like with exercise above, if meditation bores you instead of helping relax and ""clear your mind"", you can probably use that boredom to your advantage. Or, it might work as intended.

Change your workspace/situation/routine. Sometimes the problem is that you need new sensory input, or that your brain has gotten thoroughly bored and decided not to tell you. Use a different chair. Move to the kitchen table. Write at a different time of day. Have a different snack (or try having a snack while writing...). Basically, look at what you're currently trying, and see how you can do it differently.

It's also really good practise to get comfortable with Being Bad At Writing. Perfectionism and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria are the biggest, meanest brain weasels with the sharpest teeth. Don't let them bully you. It sucks. It takes a lot of time and effort and internal work, which is why I was loathe to include this on a post of quick solutions, but. It is important.

And getting comfortable with this doesn't necessarily mean learning how to accept critique, or accepting that sometimes you'll write things that suck. It means accepting that sometimes you won't handle critique or feedback well, and also accepting that you won't always manage to beat the writer's block or be productive. Sometimes you have to make peace with the fact that you're going to feel horrible, feel your feelings, and try to remind yourself on the other side that none of it means you're a talentless hack.

Resources

Anything with a 🪙 next to it is paid only (I've tried to limit these and find alternatives).

The resources are split into things that "gameify" writing (i.e., hack your dopamine/serotonin in ways that reaaaaallly help autistic and ADHD folks), writing programs that are designed to help you focus, writing programs that track your habits and appeal to the "ohhhh numbers going up" brain, focus-aiding apps, and some miscellaneous stuff. Under the cut to save your dashes.

"Gamifying" your writing:

The Most Dangerous Writing App – You can't stop typing before your set timer runs out, or you risk losing your work. Excellent for warming up, stream-of-consciousness, or if you're feeling reckless, working on your actual project. I did a lot of the second draft of When Dealing with Wolves on this thing (it was terrifying yet highly effective).

Written? Kitten! – Get rewarded for meeting your set writing wordcount with kitten pictures. Haven't used this one personally, but heard wonderful things about it.

4TheWords 🪙 – This one gamifies writing in the most literal sense. As in, it's an online game where you defeat monsters, explore and level up by writing words. I did the free trial a couple years back, and I've heard there are a lot of different ways you can lower the subscription cost. The only reason I haven't gone back to it is because I feel like I can't justify spending money on it when I'm doing fine with Scrivener and free resources, but maybe one day I will purely for the fun factor...

StimuWrite – similar idea to Written Kitten; the app provides visual/audio stimulation while you write, which is great for many ADHD-ers and autistics. There's a progress bar, soundscape options, typing effects and emoji reactions as rewards, among other features.

Write or Die – This is The Most Dangerous Writing App meets Written Kitten. As far as I can figure out, the basic web version is free to use; you can set the parameters like how how long you want to write for, how many words to reach, and whether you want rewards for meeting goals or punishments for failing to meet them. There's also a stimulus mode, where the nice auditory stimulus goes away if you stop writing.

Minimalist/Focus writing programs:

Focus Writer [Windows] – thoroughly stripped-down minimalist word processor. As far as I know, it has basic functions like find-replace, but mostly it's designed only for writing. Not for formatting, spellchecking or editing.

iA Writer 🪙 [iOS] – Similar to Focus Writer, it's designed to fill your screen with a simple workspace. Allows you to use markdown formatting, and has a feature called Focus Mode that blurs out everything except the sentence you're typing. (If I could find a Windows-friendly alternative to this with that same feature I would be so happy). A cheaper alternative is 1Writer, but that doesn't have the focus mode.

Typewrite Something – Absolutely bare minimum web-based typewriter simulator. Basically just a blank screen that you start typing on, and the words appear in a typewriter font. Great for stream-of-consciousness without the risk level of TMDWA because you can't backspace. If you don't like the clacky sound, turn off your volume.

Focus Apps

Cold Turkey – Block applications and websites on your laptop/computer for a specified period of time. You can even block the entire internet.

Forest – Similar to Cold Turkey in that it stops you from seeking distractions or getting distracted. Set a timer and the app starts growing a tree. If you leave the app, the tree dies. Once you have a tree, you add it to your forest.

Habit-building writing programs:

Novlr – Simple, minimal layout, and tracks your writing goals per month and day, and your daily streak. There are more features in the plus and pro versions, and you can only have five projects in the free version, but otherwise it looks like a good free alternative to the next two programs:

750 Words 🪙 – Made for free writing, but also very useful for drafting. I had it for a month or so a while back on the free trial. It tracks writing streaks and gives you fun graphs and statistics at the end of each session, including number of distractions, actual typing time vs total time and average words per minute. Also, it analyses the mood of what you wrote, which I always found delightful.

Writing Analytics 🪙 – If writing streaks, badges and analytical graphs get your dopamine going, then I really recommend this one. The writing screen itself is very minimalistic, but it still shows your writing speed (I loved watching that go up) and your goal progress. In terms of analytics, it tracks a LOT of different things, including time spent writing vs revising, average wordcounts per day/month/year, and words written vs words deleted. I used this for about a year before I switched to Scrivener, and the switch was purely because I needed something that wasn't subscription-based. (Apparently since I stopped using it there's also a new feature that lets you create private writing rooms and see other writer's progress).

Misc.

WriteTrack – Not a word processor, but it has very good tools for tracking and planning your writing. Again, if graphs going up helps your brain, this is excellent, but you can't see it in real time.

10 ADHD-friendly brain tricks for writers – what it says on the tin: ten tips for writers with ADHD; I'm particularly fond of "Put away one knife", which breaks the nebulous task of "start writing" into something really simple like just... pull out your desk chair.

[mythosidhesdollhouse]

Sooooooooo I don't know if I'm just biased from working with my Naturally Perfect pair or entering a new era of my doll collection or what, but earlier today I was browsing through aaaaaaaaaall the new dolls Target added to their site recently--new MH, new RH, new LOL OMG, Dream Besties, Naturalistas wave 2--ALL THE DOLLS--dolls we've been awaiting for weeks, in some cases months. And now that they're here, what's the only thing I'm really feeling excited about? This Disney ILY 4ever 18" Doll Inspired by Ariel. I could care less about this brand or her character theming, I just think she's such a beautiful doll. It will probably take a few weeks, but she will definitely be joining the family as soon as I can manage it.

More rambling about dolls I don't have (yet)--

I think I may be suffering from a general fashion doll burnout, because aside from this girlie lately I've been browsing a lot more 18" & 14" dolls and a lot fewer 12" and under. Kind of getting bored with the lack of height variety...and tbh I'm finding it's actually a lot easier to make clothing for dolls in the larger size range. I've even started a list of other future acquisitions I'd like to make, though at this point I have no time frame for when any of this might happen XD

Right now at the top of my list are:

Positively Perfect Fresh Dreamers Willow

Our Generation Carlina & Opal

HBCyoU Homecoming Queen Nicole

Healthy Roots Marisol

And then of course there's the American Girl sized elephant in the room XD I will not begin to convey my frustration when last week the purple haired girl on the left was 60% off during Prime Day, and me without the funds to purchase her T_T Honestly it seems like fate has been thwarting my desire to own one of these dolls for the past 30+ years. Will it happen? Someday? Idk, maybe. At this point I'm not going to try to force it.

(P.S. ~ If you are one of the people who 'thrifts AG dolls all the time' I'm happy for you but please don't feel obligated to tell me about it, unless you want to send me one. There are no good thrift stores in my area, and even if we did have them my current health situation makes such an outing impossible. I have no doubt the dolls are out there, but I have no way to get to them. Reminding me of this fact serves no purpose other than to make me feel bad about it :/)

So yeah that's it, basically just a long post about window shopping XD Do you have any favorite doll brands of the larger 'Girl' variety that I missed?

[agendabymooner]

colour me your colour || toto w. (5)

Summary: Tilly Marie nearly loses faith in her passion as she refuses to listen to everyone who told her to quit. Everyone but one. And it’s the man she met years ago at a racing event she didn’t want to attend. Who would have thought that her father’s partial ownership of three brands could take her to the zone of Mercedes and meet the love of her life?

Chapter summary: Breakfast dates can turn into a shitshow if you allowed pressure and stress to get in the way of your sweet conversation. Plus, it turns out that Toto Wolff knows who she was- only telling her about it as he recalls what he saw few years ago.

Content warning: A case of burnout, brief use of explicit language, people trying to cope by flirting (Tilly), Christian Horner, journalists being too much, Tilly trying not to cry by talking to herself.

Note: Thank you all sm for the 75 followers! I'm going try not to flop this time. Enjoy xx

masterlist

v. how to romance and cry in the same day

“…I have attached the document in this email. If you need help let me know…” 

I don’t need help. I need to quit. 

If anyone can see my face right now, they will run away knowing that they witnessed steam coming out of my ears. Or at least, that’s what Toto can see as I can see a frown on his face. The paper in his hand is long forgotten as he continues to show his concern. I’m still not looking at him, instead I’m staring at my screen hoping that it’ll crack from the anger that I’m feeling. 

Who the fuck decided that it’s a good idea to email someone on a well deserved paid vacation for work? When you can simply just have the person in the next room do it?

Clearly, them. I huff out silently. In an office with fifteen writers, they decided that underappreciated workers should do the revising. I wasn’t alone in this.

They insist on having me work on it, obviously as I remember the 5 missed calls from the office. They have enough time to call me, why can’t they have the time to do it themselves?

“…Schatz?” 

I jump in response to the sudden call from Toto, my hands accidentally throwing the phone away. I curse beneath my breath before I reach for it, throwing it into my purse. 

His eyes are laced with curiosity, “Are you alright?”

I nod, now remembering I have a company. One that I’m supposed to be entertaining instead of taking the piss from Vogue. “I’m alright, how’re you liking the scone?” 

“It’s good,” he nods before he sets down the newspaper in his hand. “You have not touched your food yet.” 

Right. My hand reaches for the crumpet in my plate, my teeth digging into my breakfast as I chew quietly. My eyes are still staring elsewhere, and clearly it’s beginning to bother Toto because of the constant dissociation. 

“You’re not alright,” he deduces, making me nod in agreement. There’s really no point in denying. Throughout the beginning of our breakfast, I already told him about my work. He knows how miserable and pathetic my life is, and what did he do as he listened? He smiled kindly, his brows laced with concern, everything that I had seen from other people. But he listened, and I like him for it.

Not wanting to elaborate anymore, he notices how quiet I am and so he decides to say, “You were enjoying your research paper years ago, but you do not look like someone who’s been happy with your job for a while now. You should leave the company.” 

I pause, looking up at him. He does… “You remember me,” I watch him nod in confirmation as I continue, “you know who I am. From Dubai.” 

He only shrugs like I just asked him if the sky was blue. How can he sit here and act like it’s a normal Tuesday? Does he even know what kind of effect he had on me? This utter— he knows who I am and he doesn’t even mention it until now!

He doesn’t read my mind, but he explains, “You are an impressive woman. It’s difficult not to forget about you when you speak so passionately about writing and your courses back then.” 

“It was a short-lived conversation, was it not?” I ask him, wondering how he’d managed to remember that whole fifteen minutes. Those fifteen minutes of nothing but university work and exchanging questions felt like a long time. 

“I admit, it took me the whole day to figure out who you were,” he chuckles, making me smile. “The conversation we had was… memorable to say the least. But it turned foggy the moment I became Team Principal.” 

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me,” I laugh quietly, “If anything I feel bad for not asking for your name. Your teammate had done it for you. Torger.” 

He nods, recalling what he’s just talking about before I rattled off about Dubai. “But there’s just something missing from you now that you had back then…”

“…what is it?” Is he this observant? Has he stared at people for a while before telling them what he has noticed?  

“The smile on your face,” he answers, his voice showing nothing of emotion as he says, “you still have the passion for it but now… the smile isn’t there anymore. At least the one that goes from one ear to another.” 

I can’t even speak. Thank goodness he continues on, “Would you consider it a dream if everyone’s making it a nightmare?”

If the silence wasn't deafening before, I can barely imagine being talkative now. He holds my stare, his eyes softening at the sight. I look pathetic, I just know it. 

“I… I don’t even know,” I murmur, running my fingers through my hair. “It’s not easy to get away from the company. I’ve been writing for them and if I left then… I’ve no one to use as a reference… or even take my projects. Seeing as it’s under their license and all that.”

“Ah…” Toto replies quietly, nodding at the response. He leans forward, making me look at him as he says, “But between your ambition and health, I think that you should see your health off first. If they are making it hard for you, your goal is harder to reach.” 

My view of Toto Wolff just changed here. Me, sitting across from him with the pessimism that my life carried— I can see him in a new light. 

I can see myself in a new light. He isn’t wrong. How am I going to do well in my career if my employers are the exact reason why I’m miserable in the first place? How am I going to find inspiration if all I feel is isolated and locked up?

Why do I continue to act like they’d give me a chance? I’ve brought up the discussion of getting a promotion for two years, and my career is a discussion that they continue to put on hold. 

No fuck that. 

But still… I can’t quit my job, can I? How am I going to be a successful editor if I’m going to leave?

My inner dialogue clearly has an effect on behalf of Toto’s entertainment. His handsome smile, from what I gather is a rarity, appeared right in front of me as I gulped. Toto isn’t wrong. If I want to be better… just find a place who’s more than willing to help me. 

I reach for my tea as I ask, “How are you as handsome as you are good at giving out advice?” 

His chuckle melts the stress away for a second, his amusement becoming more clear as he continues to stare at me. Is this what they call heart eyes? Yeah I really don’t want to listen to Daniel or Lewis. 

“And how are you as beautiful as you are stubborn?” He asks back, making me giggle quietly as I sip on my tea. 

“It’s a requirement if you wish to oppose Christian Horner all the time,” I jest, “you can get away from trouble easily.” 

“I’ve seen it yesterday,” Toto sighs contentedly before he smirks, “I am more worried about being disarmed by your strong will and beauty instead of the higher up’s rules and regulations. I hope you’re not the one I have to face in case our teams get into an altercation. I do not enjoy losing to Red Bull, of all things.”

—

The restaurant, while it is in a secluded location by the Silverstone Park, was jam-packed by the time we left after finishing our breakfast. We need to head to the venue soon before Christian gets there. Then maybe I can shit on his life about being late. Maybe. 

But our arrival at the Silverstone Circuit was more chaotic. 

“Shit,” I curse out, grabbing my Red Bull ball cap from my purse and slipping it on. I can’t even see anything besides from the dark abyss that I called my purse, my hand trying to get a feel of my sunglasses. It doesn’t take me a while to find it and put it on, looking at Toto who’s already on his way out of the vehicle with his bag. Unbuckling my seat, I look at the passenger side as Toto swings it open. He gestures for me to come out, and I do so with a murmur of thanks. 

By the time I hopped out of the passenger seat of Toto’s Mercedes, I was already welcomed by the clicking of the cameras. Alongside the annoying noise are questions coming from journalists who wish to ask questions about the qualifying today.

Looking around, however, I notice that there are a certain amount of paparazzi that I grew familiar with. I knew them by faces. And knowing them, they didn’t want anything that had to do with the race weekend. I just went on a breakfast with a CEO and we’re already adding fuel to the fire that was the British media. I gesture at Toto to speed up his walk while we pass by the cameras and the questions. 

It’s either I gesture and he won’t understand or I drag him. But grabbing him by the arm will only cause an uproar in the gossip world. People are always thirsty for drama. Getting involved with me, a Hearth child (one that hasn't been on a date for a decade AND presumed to be the It Girl by the media), will only cause more stress on Toto’s behalf. I am not about to let him get through that.

But he doesn’t understand what I asked of him non-verbally, instead he turns around to provide quick answers to questions about today and what may happen tomorrow. I wait there impatiently, looking down on the ground as I wish to no longer gather more attention regardless of the amount of photos already taken of me by standing there. 

“What’s your relationship with Tilly Hearth?” 

“What are your thoughts about her job in Red Bull?” 

“Are you two dating?” 

“Toto!” The Mercedes’ PR assistant finally comes as she excuses herself, putting herself in between her boss and the cameras as she asks to have them step aside. Certain paparazzo finally looked at my direction, realizing that they haven't asked me anything yet. I gulped, already backing away from the scene.

The PR assistant tells them that Toto will have enough time to answer later on, but by the time that Toto turns back, I’m already speed walking to the Red Bull hospitality.

And it doesn’t end there. Daniel and Sebastian caught me walking from the direction of the dispersing crowd— where Toto was— and decided that this was their chance to tease me. 

Now I’m here with my phone in hand, Daniel still poking me at my side as I grumpily look at him. Apparently, seeing workplace romance is a rarity and so he’s taken this as an opportunity to tell me that he wants to see how my slow burn “relationship” with Toto goes. Relationship. Really!

My phone pings as Daniel perks up and asks, “That Toto?” 

I glare at him, “Don’t you even, Daniel.” 

“Tilly,” I turn around and face Christian. He gestures for me to follow as I wave at Daniel, telling him I’ll be back. 

Christian pulls me out of the garage as I cross my arms. Sensing my annoyance, he sighs as he reassures me, “I’m not saying anything—“

“—yet,” I interrupted him.

“But I arrived just about twenty minutes ago and there are journalists asking about you,” I frown at that. Surely he doesn’t mean… “And Toto. They said you two got here together?” 

Oh… of course. Yeah, he does mean the one thing that I hoped he wouldn’t bring up. 

“Did you see my Bentley parked outside?” I sarcastically reply. It’s too early for my behaviour, I admit, and it even pisses me off because I can’t be nice to him. But instead of allowing him to reply, I add, “It’s not much of a big deal, is it?”

“It is,” he shakes his head. “Some people are assuming you’re either working for Mercedes or that you’re spying on—“

“Oh for god’s sake,” I roll my eyes. “I am not, I promise. Why am I even swearing I’m not doing anything stupid? I don’t think whatever I do outside work is going to be reported to my father or something.” My hands will literally carry 20% of Red Bull. What makes them think I’ll do something stupid like sell my shares to other rivals?

“Yes but be cautious,” he says firmly, “because no matter how you’ve insisted you’re not doing anything, the media can turn it all around.” 

“I know,” I roll my eyes again, I think they’ll pop out of their sockets soon enough. “I grew up in front of cameras, Christian. British media, even. Those journalists outside were people that asked a lot of questions whenever I’m out and about.”

“So you understand how ruthless they could get,” Christian nods, sighing as he leans against the surface. “I trust you enough with PR, I don’t even know why I even pulled you out of the garage when you can handle the journalists on your own.” 

“Because it’s with Wolff,” I smirk, “you’re worried about me being snatched by him, aren’t you?” 

He scoffs, a chuckle escaping his lips as he says, “He’s not exactly subtle on taking interest in you and your skills.”

“Hm,” I nod, looking eyes moving along the people that walked down to their respective garages. “Don’t worry, he’s not going to be able to discuss any Red Bull-Mercedes business with me. Not unless I have been put to work for it.” 

“Good,” he nods again, “good. I would hate to be in the way of your… whatever it is.” 

Wow, he’s pretty kind. Maybe because he doesn’t want to lose his patience early this morning. Good.

I’m still standing there when I ducked my head, hiding my face away as Toto walks towards their garage with selected people from his staff. Sensing that he’s away, I look up to see Christian’s smug smile. For someone who doesn’t like Toto, he seems to be enjoying whatever’s going on. Maybe he’s getting a laugh out of this predicament because I was so irritated yesterday–seeing me in a flustered state today is a different story.

“Is that it?” I ask him, my nose scrunching up in annoyance. 

He nods and then says, “I’ll stop bothering you about him for now. But, I’d also like to know if you’d be interested in joining the Sky Sports hosts sometime today. You’ve done public speaking before, no?” 

I look at him funny. Remembering that I just started today, I felt the need to nod. Nobody knew about my masters. Did they? It doesn’t matter.

“If I have to be,” I shrug. 

“It’d be a good thing to bring you there,” he tells me, making me want to roll my eyes. Just a few minutes ago, this man was coming after me about Toto. “Daniel and Sebastian would definitely have a field day if you’re the one interviewing them. What do you say?” 

“Is it scripted,” I ask, “or do I have to improvise?”

“To avoid problems revolving bias, I’d say scripted. Unless you’ve a question of your own. Be as entertaining as you want. As long as it’s not going to tell people that you favour one team. I think Sky Sports just want you to be there for the post-qualifying interview.” Me? Just me? No one else’s communications liaison?

“What kind of stories do you tell them,” I frown suspiciously. Second day of work and everyone wants me in their team. He is clearly hiding something. He’s been making sure that I’m doing my job exactly how they want it. Wherever I went yesterday, he made sure that I was the one in front of the cameras. Now he’s asking me to interview the drivers post-qualification. He knows something that I don’t.

“You’ve been mentioned a lot for the past few months,” he starts, “during meetings, FIA, to be exact–”

“I have a lot of questions,” I say, my mouth opened due to the surprise. I was never told about FIA, and being the hot topic of their delegations. 

“Your father’s an executive,” he reminds me, “and I know that sounds like Red Bull, or Ferrari or even McLaren are under FIA’s list of favoured teams.”

I scoff, “He owns the competitors in question.”

“I know,” he agrees, “but he only has enough power in each team. He cannot ever interfere with how they operate.” 

At least he’s smart enough to do that. If he badly wants his legacy to continue, I don’t think corruption is the way to go.

“What about me? Why am I the discussion of your…meetings?” I ask, internally smacking myself for prying. I always claimed that I liked the feeling of suspense. I didn’t care for details except when I could see them with my own eyes. Now, I’m a child during Christmas - except I'm dreading what’s coming.

He gives me a straightforward answer, “Julius wants you to take control of his shares. He’s up for promotion in the FIA but he can’t just carry us and the other two in his arms without being accused of conflict of interest.”

Oh. 

Oh.

That’s interesting. 

Not only is he asking me to do his part at these events, but he’s also selling me out to his own company just so he can continue being who he is in the federation. Greedy. 

He didn’t get the memo when I said I wanted to pursue fashion and journalism. He continues to put me in these positions– WITHOUT consulting me. For fuck’s sake!

My lips tighten, wondering if I can say no for today. Technically, I can say no. But my people pleaser demon decided for me.

“I’ll be there,” I murmur, my chest feeling heavy as I breathe shakily.

“What where?” He asks, confusion written all over his face.

“Wherever they want me,” I say, already feeling exhausted and defeated, “just—just have someone take us there before anything.”

“You got it,” he nods, reaching out to pat my shoulder before he walks off. 

I look down on my phone and read the text from my supervisor.

“I know you have a part time job this weekend but I would really really appreciate it if you send in your piece so we can go through it together this Monday. Thx xx”

I’m going to cry. Then, after that, I’m going to get ready to put on a smile in front of the camera. Charm works for so many people, at least according to my mother. What she didn’t know, though, is that my charm doesn’t do much to my father.

Maybe if I put on my fakest smile, that’ll charm the pants off everyone. I don’t like the thought of working here, but with no choice, I only have to stand in front of the camera and pretend that I’m enjoying it.

Where’s Toto when you want him?

[seriouslysam8]

I have to say -- I keep getting your fics confused with canon. Your Demelza has cemented itself as my official version. I found myself just accepting Marlene and Teegan from Brumons/Selcouth as canon too. I do miss Hermione in your fics, but I get your aversion after reading some of your explanations. I think writers spend too much time making her this all-knowing "go away for a chapter to research and then comes back with all the answers and piercing insight" type of character who can make no mistakes. But I have a bit more fondness for her so I notice her absence more.

I miss Brumous but I could 100% see where you were beginning to struggle/flame out with it. I'd noticed inthe last few chapters there was a lot less Harry/Ginny conversational time, which is where I think your writing really shines the most. You've got a great grasp of their voices.

Plus once you get to a certain point in plot deviation fics it becomes way too easy to just try and match everything into the official storyline and then it's more like...why even bother writing it? So instead you have to cut and adjust the canon into the new universe which can feel more like work than just exploring the relationship interactions JKR never really gave us.

It's my favorite part of Selcouth, too. So I'm really looking forward to that next chapter. I've got a lot of empathy for Harry's career choice there, dealing with stuck-in-their ways medical professionals is the worst, especially as a new physician.

I’m glad that my fics get you confused with canon! I’ve put so much love and effort into some of these OCs or more developed canon characters. I always keep them pretty consistent throughout all my different universes so they all read cohesively!

The Hermione missing just puzzles me all around. There are plenty of fics that drop other characters from their plot lines. But everyone seems to be hung up on Hermione in my fics. I wish other characters could receive as much love as her. There are tons of characters who deserve just as much or move love than her.

The Brumous burnout really wasn’t because of any frustrations with the plot or not knowing what to write. I’m perfectly comfortable with not matching with canon or worried that my writing chops aren’t up to snuff to divert dramatically from the source material. Not to sound conceded, but I do think I have the ability to tell unique stories and the ability to stray away from the stations of canon with no shortage of creativity. The main issue is, I think, boredom. While writing the longer stories in MIT, I was able to maintain writing one-shots and short stories within that universe to keep my interest from falling behind. With this, I can’t jump around in the timeline without spoiling everything I have planned. So, then, I think of totally different ideas that draw me in and those stories are never short and sweet. My attention keeps getting pulled more and more. I’m at the point now where I need to completely reread Brumous to continue and get back into the groove. That’s a task daunting with and within itself. Couple with the overwhelming response I’ve gained from Selcouth… damn, it’s hard to get back into the teenage Hinny mindset.

[modmad]

How do you deal with burnout? I'm on week three of having my brain fried and creative juices sapped . Interested to know how a creative person like you deals with burnout. 🫠✌️

hilariously I have only had it Once and it was about this time last year because I played DnD Too Much (who knew that was possible right). Literally I have only just started playing DnD again recently because it latest THAT long, but it affected all parts of me and it was HORRIBLE.

Having only had it once I am hardly an expert. My only real advice is to try to avoid it at all/catch it early. If you use the creative part of your brain too much, just like a muscle, it can get overworked and become injured, and it needs a lot of time to recover. Just because it's fun doesn't mean it's not hard work!

Look carefully at how much creative thinking you are doing, regardless of what type, and try to put it into scale: how many hours is this per day? Is that a regular working day? Is it more? How much time is spent in idle (or non creative work) to allow your brain to take its natural span of time to come up with an idea, verses how much time are you using forcing it to come up with too much stuff too quickly. Schedule yourself as if you are an animal at a zoo: you don't want to be cruel to the animal! Don't make it play games, solve puzzles or perform tricks without a break, even if it finds it enriching!

If you feel any signs that burnout is approaching (e.g. general fatigue/lack of interest in a topic despite it being an interest/that weird 'brain is too too hot' feeling), that means IT IS. DON'T IGNORE IT!!! You body is trying to tell you to stop! Give yourself space! If you get it, all you can do is rest until you're better, so it's very much better to prevent it than get to the point of climbing back up from the bottom of the hill.

[letteredlettered]

Hi!! Have you ever struggled with burnout, depression, or overwork? Currently in my first job post college and it’s been very intense as we are currently like 3 people doing the work of a team designed for 7 people (two roles they are working to fill and two people are out on leave -> one is out on vacation and the other on parental leave). Have spent many ours on overtime (around two days a week I usually sleep five or six hours and spend a few more hours working —> other days I work a bit less but still some overtime) for the last few months. It’s really hard to decompress and stop thinking about work as I work remotely. I need to get better at setting limits and advocating for myself but I think one issue I’ve been dealing with is getting caught in a cycle of having a lot so having not a lot of time to do an analysis of like what needs to change and this is my bandwidth. Also it’s hard to predict bandwidth sometimes because I’m still very new to this industry and department, so I’m still learning how much coordination is necessary to get something done. Another problem is that everyone is stretched to their limit and extremely busy, so I feel kind of bad rejecting projects. I think an issue is that I also have relatively low self-esteem and confidence but a deep desire to be “good” from like an academic perspective and a work perspective, and the main leader of my team is someone who I like a lot and appreciates what I do, so I keep trying to do more or at least meet expectations. I also receive assignments from different people (five people total, usually), so people generally don’t have visibility as to my bandwidth unless I speak up. One person in particular gave me a lot of assignments with a good deal of time pressure and was the person that I was working the closest with —> still trying to catch up to some of the more evergreen projects I had with him because the other projects I’ve had in the last two months have even way too intense to do anything else. I’m really grateful for this job and I like a lot of the people I work with, but I’m kind of struggling.

I mention all of this because I really respect the way you are able to commit to creative projects and create incredible works and really focus on making something. I’ve never really had an ability to stick to a creative project or hobby for an extended period of time —> frequently I disappoint myself in my lack of consistency or follow-through for a lot of my personal goals. I also really appreciate the way that you engage with certain themes in your work and value your perspective. So just kind of curious if you’ve been through this before or have any thoughts about this sort of thing

I've thought a lot about what to tell you here.

What anyone would recommend is that you set boundaries and take care of yourself. They'd say that your well-being is more important than your work. If they read your ask carefully they'd realize that maybe your performance in this job is connected to your well-being in your mind. If they're looking at the strings that control the system they're going to tell you capitalism has brainwashed us into thinking that we should sacrifice our health for the sake of production, and then they'll tell you you should do what you can to break out of the capitalist mentality. If they're not excited about seizing the means of production then their in-universe advice (in-the-capitalist-universe advice) is going to point out that you cannot produce more for the capitalist machine if you're burnt out (I'd call these people the neoliberals of tumblr but I'm not sure that exists; I haven't seen it).

But none of that is really addressing the problem here, because you already know all of that, or if you don't know it, knowing that isn't going to help you. You don't need to be told to set boundaries. You know you accept too many projects; you know that you haven't been clear with your colleagues about your bandwidth. You know you're trying too hard to please others and that part of the reason is you have a low self-esteem.

Something that people don't talk about enough is how bad it feels to set boundaries. When people advise others to "set boundaries" it's always as if it's never occurred to anyone else to stand up for themselves. The problem is that it usually has occurred to us, but it's hard to do and feels bad. Hearing "stand up for yourself!" repeatedly can sometimes help us feel like we did the right thing when we do manage to stand up for ourselves, but it can just as often make you feel even worse when you can't stand up for yourself. You're being overworked and you're not doing the thing that everyone tells you you should do.

And another thing that people do not talk about enough is that most workplaces do not like employees who set boundaries for themselves. They like people who say yes. You often won't get in trouble for setting reasonable limits for yourself, but you won't advance. The ones who work late and work on weekends and take on every project and say nothing about bandwidth are usually the ones who get promoted. I'm not saying this because it's right or okay. It's another flaw in the capitalist system. But it is very often true, and I've been a little frustrated that in all these glorious discussions about boundary-setting, this is not something that gets talked about more.

So what to do, when you know the answers, but it doesn't feel great, and might not get you where you want to go?

Spend time with your feelings. A lot of time with your feelings. Imagine ways to communicate your bandwidth. Imagine how you would feel in each scenario. Pick scenarios that feel more comfortable and less intimidating for you. Imagine saying no to a new project. Imagine how you would feel doing that. Pick a way of doing it that feels the most manageable.

Think about your colleagues, what you like about them and why. Imagine how they would feel if they knew that you were struggling. Imagine having an honest conversation with them about how hard this is for you. Would they listen open and compassionately? Would they try to make changes that could help you? Or would they say, "We're all going through it," and "there's nothing to be done?" Imagine saying to them, "I know we're all going through this, because of the staffing challenges we're facing," and "I know there's not much to be done about this, but this is how I'm feeling." Would they accept your vulnerability? Would it make you feel bad to be vulnerable in that way? Would it make you feel worse to be vulnerable in that way or to say nothing?

That's not a leading question. Saying nothing is okay. There have been many times where I am facing a problem and I realized that doing nothing was the thing that made me feel best. There were other times when I really didn't want to do something and I knew it would be incredibly hard, but I knew I would feel much better having done it.

Think about your self-esteem and confidence. Why don't you feel confident? When you imagine saying no, and it feels bad, what makes it feel so bad? Is it because other people don't say no? Are you measuring yourself against those other people? How can you stop doing that? Or is it because you feel like a good worker always says yes? Where did you get that idea? Was it an idea communicated to you by people who love you? By society? Are there people who haven't made you feel that your worth as a person was predicated on how much you were able to accomplish? When is the last time you spent time with them? What makes you feel good about yourself? When is the last time you did it? Are there things you can do outside of work to boost your confidence? What are they? Can you do them? Why not? If work is holding you back from doing them, is it worth it?

It's okay if work feels worth it. I'm not endorsing the capitalist machine when I say that it is okay to do something that is really difficult or unpleasant for a certain amount of time to get where you are going. But if that's what you're going to do, then develop a plan of escape. Ask yourself how long you're willing to put up with this. Ask yourself what the next step in your career or life journey is. Ask yourself what you will put up with to get there and what is unacceptable. Write it down if you have to, then try to abide by that, and if you are unable to bear your plan six months down the line, make a new one.

I am fortunate in that these kinds of questions come really naturally to me, and I think they must not come so naturally for a lot of other people. Definitely, there are blocks in my mind; I'm not always able to understand myself or my own feelings; I don't know what's best for myself or how to make myself do things I want. But this kind of thinking is not going to give you immediate answers. Instead, it's going to build the skill of getting to know yourself.

The ultimate question you should be asking is "What will make me happy?" It sounds like a simple question, but it is in fact the most difficult of all. It is the question we struggle with every day, and every book that was ever written, every song that was ever sung, every painting that was ever painted is about that, in the end. The answer to that question is the meaning of life. Most people never find it, but the search is worth it.

It's definitely worth it.

[heph]

Hey, I remember you mentioning on your IG something about two types of popular artists and one being good at social media and the other being good at art or something like that (I can't really remember lol). But it got me thinking, any tips for how to be good at social media? Cuz I'm certainly not even after posting art for six years lol

Heya!

What I meant by that is that there are traits that allow you to grow on social media, and traits that determine what a highly skilled artist is, and those traits do not always necessarily overlap.

I've seen so many amazing artists that post artwork that blow my head off, and yet they don't have many likes. On the other hand, some artists at the same skill level who draw more popular things will get way more attention.

That is not to say that either is the correct way to create art, but there is definitely a formula to social media that is in play.

There are a lot of posts about how to grow a social media account, particularly on TikTok, YouTube and Instagram art spheres, and imo you really need to examine what you want from your art before jumping into social media mode

The stuff you create to pander to social media might not be art that you want to create at all - I'm lucky, because I am less artist more storyteller, and what I enjoy is telling jokes and silly stories to liven up people's moods :] this, of course, conveniently does well on social media. On a personal note, I have a history of being a recluse and not connecting well with people, and art is my way of trying to communicate my feelings, one way or another.

So of course, if you draw for any reason other than my own, my approach to art and it's relation to social media might be inappropriate for you.

All that being said, if u take a look at those "get big on social media" videos they always cite the same few points... And you can look into that, for sure, but this video sums up how I feel about all that.

I spent like 20 minutes drafting words after the above paragraph, but I really ended up regurgitating sentiments from the video... So really don't listen to me, listen to that video

EDIT:

I just realised I didnt actually answer the question with my anecdotal experience, so here's a list of things I did

1. Posted like 3 doodles a day on social media

I did this for 6 months on a side account on Twitter recently and got the account to 11k followers... And I did this for 3 months on Instagram a few years ago and I think got 3.5k followers. Of course, do not spam maliciously and make sure your art is still of good quality, but for those artworks I posted quickly, I did not colour, and mostly did clean sketches. This also trains you in the matter of line confidence haha. Again, this worked for me because of my set of circumstances (love for the media, want to tell stories, simple art style)

2. Focus on my favourite aspects of media

This helps with respect to burnout - kinda hard to burnout when you love what you're making! For me, it's character interactions and comics. I want to see my blorbos kiss and if I'm not the one drawing it who will?!

3. Interact with people

People eat up work that they can interact with. A choose your own story situation, one of those like/rt to strip a character 😭 those do numbers for a reason.

Additionally, if you post stuff people love, people will respond to it with comments, maybe their own headcanons, adding on to the work... I've gone into long looong Twitter thread conversations with people who added onto my ideas that I threw up onto the screen and I think it's also a nice thing to do to respond to positive comments haha... I'm not very good at this (read: bad at communication)

I think that's the key points... Hope this helps!